Yesterday, I woke up and found myself overwhelmed. I drove to my parents’ house and instantly I broke down…you know like a baby- like started crying? I felt like I just wasn’t enough and it wasn’t even noon yet. Have you ever struggled without admitting your struggle? Just like in recovery, admittance is the first step. First, let me admit that being perfect shouldn’t and is not the goal. The goal should be to discover what your happy is and when you can’t find the happiness that you deserve keep searching from within until you find it.(actively participate in making yourself happy) I realize that like cancer, our faults and our failures spread. Honestly, it is easier to talk about what has already failed, than it is to plan for success—I’ve to come the realization that we have to plan for success. Feed what you love. Starve what you don't. Simple.
I am writing this blog as not only encouragement for myself, but also for whomever may read it. Constantly, I go through these emotional waves of are you doing enough? Are you doing too much? What else can you do? What is it that you are missing? I know that I am not supposed to be perfect…I know that I am literally not even close…but every day I consciously wake up and try to be the best person I can be. I try to be the best woman-- you know encouraging, smiling, strong, and pleasant—and I put on a brave face every day. Some days it is not a face, as some or most days I am truly that brave, but on the days where I am struggling with myself that face is hard to put on. Some days it is easy to be the victim and to feel like the world is coming at me fast and I am barely making it. Sometimes it feels like I do all the right things and yet the wrong things are what end up making the story. I used to say I did everything everybody in my life ever asked me to do like attending college and grad school, living alone, managing a semi-successful career, with no children out of wedlock, but what have I done for myself? Ultimately, I think this is where all the doubt lies, in figuring out how to appear perfect for others.
"In order to get out of despair, everything around you cannot get in you!” Think about everything that is around you, that you carry with you everywhere you go. The baggage can be the people you love, the ones you don't like, the attitudes, the positives, the negatives… How many of the things around you do you allow to get to you? Or how many things do you carry with you over into your breakthrough and then wonder why you haven't actually broken through? Stop acting like your spirit and your heart should not be protected. Feed what you love and starve what you dislike. Begin to limit your limits and expand upon your greatness. Everything you need is right there within you--all that doubt is from your own fear. Every day when you wake up, you have to look in the mirror and let yourself know just how amazing you truly are. I have learned that the encouragement must start with self. Always demand the greatest response of yourself from yourself.
May your peace be defined by YOU and not your circumstances
Learn to accept who YOU are and not who people expect or want you to be
Allow yourself some time to heal so that you won’t self-destruct
It is ok to be selfish with YOU. If you are not selfish with YOU, the moment you begin to be you will notice how everyone around you is so selfish with you. When you begin to choose, you watch how others get mad that you are no longer choosing them
Start with you and finish with yourself…get better with time
Don’t allow others to treat you in a manner you wouldn’t treat yourself
I really need people to take responsibility for the kind of energy they bring to me. - Jill Bolte Taylor